Saturday, November 27, 2010

There's a lot of conversation at our house about how 'change' does not always equal 'bad'. Teaching flexibility and adaptability are daily lessons. Like today for example - I did the unthinkable - I helped my youngest get ready to go play by putting on sock/shoe, sock/shoe instead of sock/sock, shoe/shoe. A lesson in flexibility :)  So if any of my brood reads this blog post before they are ready, I could be in for some LONG conversations....

A Letter to My Children (Biological and Otherwise)

Change is NOT always a good thing; sometimes changing is actually bad. 

There is a BIG difference between changing what you do and how you do it and changing YOU. There will be times in your life when you need to do the work to change yourself: when you realize that a new attitude towards someone or something will make you a better person, a time when you see that a long held belief is wrong, a time when you find that it is a part of you that is holding you back from your dreams and goals. It is at those moments when changing you is necessary.

And then there will be times when you start thinking that if you'll change yourself, your beliefs, your values, you will be accepted by 'the crowd'. Or maybe, just maybe, if you change who you are that guy/that girl will finally notice you and want to be with you. Those are the moments when I want you to remember that you are amazing, incredible, extraordinarily unique and special. It is when the thoughts of changing for someone else enter you mind that I need you draw on your inner strength, the love of family and TRUE friends, and NOT CHANGE a single thing!

You see, when you change who you are for anyone other than yourself, you lose more than you will ever, ever gain. It sounds old fashioned and possibly trite, but the people who deserve your friendship, your heart, your presence in their life, will want you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

The people who deserve the wonder of you will appreciate and admire your passion about things that are important to you, they will find your quirks endearing (even when those quirks are kind of annoying, too!), they will love that you make your own decisions and stand strong in what you believe is right. 

The guy or girl who deserves your time and devotion won't ask you to choose them over what is important to you. The guy or girl who professes their undying love to you and then says, "If you really love me you'll..." ISN'T the guy or girl who loves you, and they certainly don't deserve you! 

Never be guilted into changing your priorities or being someone other than you! There are few things worse than becoming a 'fake'. Have you noticed the inside of a Barbie or Ken doll is empty? They're plastic, fake dolls of people. Don't be Barbie/Ken!

When you change who you are for someone else, you begin to feel hollow inside. That is how you know the difference between changing for yourself and changing for another person. Changing for yourself leaves you with feelings of pride, fulfillment and happiness; changing for someone else will lead to feelings of sadness, confusion and disappointment. It is much easier to be the real you than to 'fake it' and deal with the consequences that are sure to come.

Finally, know that I LOVE YOU, unconditionally, just because you're YOU. There will never be another person in the world who is just like you! And really, anyone who wants you to be anything else is just too stupid to waste your time being around :) 

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